


This is me trying

by I_Swear_to_god



Category: Sen Çal Kapımı (TV)
Genre: F/M, Forgiveness, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Pain
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-18 04:14:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29112153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_Swear_to_god/pseuds/I_Swear_to_god
Summary: Serkan has his memory back and Eda has Serkan back. Eda seems to have forgiven Serkan for all that transpired in those few painful months, but has he forgiven himself?
Relationships: Serkan Bolat/Eda Yildiz
Comments: 28
Kudos: 131





	1. This is me trying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! This is my interpretation of what I would want to happen once Serkan regains his memories. Enjoy!  
> 

It was too early in the night to be in bed. Way too early, but after the last few days (weeks and months) they had, at the moment all that mattered was each other. 

Eda and Serkan lay in silence, her on top of him because right now she couldn't bear even a second of being away from him. With her head buried in the crook of his neck, her hands moved on their own accord. Gliding over Serkan's arms and chest and finally coming to rest on his cheek as her thumb stroked his slight stubble. 

Serkan closed his eyes and pressed his lips to her hair while his hands slipped under the shirt she wore, tracing her skin almost reverently. When his fingers stroked her sides, Eda suddenly flinched away from him bursting into giggles. 

"Serkan no." She said still giggling into his neck.

Serkan smiled in amusement. "Serkan no what? This?" He said as his fingers moved teasingly up and down along her side and her giggles turned into full blown laughter. She finally looked up at him beaming as her hand came up to still his over her shirt. 

Serkan reluctantly drew his hand back and settled it on her waist, gazing into her eyes. Eda leaned up, resting her entire weight on him, and brushed his lips with softest of kisses. Serkan closed his eyes as he felt tears prick them and breathed in shakily when she returned to her original position with her legs hooked around his and her face buried in his chest. 

"Goodnight baby. I love you so much." He felt rather than heard the words she spoke against his skin. Serkan sighed against her forehead and muttered the words back to her, trying to control the tremble in his voice. 

Eda's eyes drooped shut as Serkan's hand gently explored her back coming to a sudden stop when he realised that the bumps of her spine and the ridges of her ribs were more defined than he remembered. 

Serkan tried to swallow past the lump in his throat as tears slipped past his eyes against his wishes. Eda might have forgiven him but that wouldn't take back everything he said and did. 

Eda might have forgiven him, but he still sees her eyes following him with barely concealed pain and worry when he has to go somewhere alone. Even if it's the other room.

Eda might have forgiven him, but he was so so far away from forgiving himself. 

He closed his eyes willing himself to calm down for the sake of the woman sleeping next to him. But try as he might, the tears still came and his breathing grew even more uneven. 

The underlying pain that serkan had tried to ignore (hide) for the past few days flared up suddenly leaving him breathless. Looking down at Eda he wonders how she can still be here. After everything that has happened. He has given her more pain than happiness. How is she still here?

He wouldn't be able to sleep, not like this. Not when the guilt and regret eat away at him constantly. Not when he feels like he doesn't deserve her love. 

His body shudders as he draws another gasping breath and thanks god that Eda hasn't woken up yet. It would kill her to see him like this. 

He needed air. And maybe a drink.

Serkan gently untangled Eda's limbs from his and stood, covering her with the blankets, tucking her in against the cold. His heart breaks when her eyebrows furrow slightly, arm reaching out in her sleep before relaxing and going limp against the pillows. 

He treads softly across the room to washroom and splashes his face with cold water, trying regain some sense of stability and calm. With one last look at Eda's sleeping form, he finally heads downstairs in search of that one bottle of scotch.

\----------------

"Where did it go? I could have sworn I left it here last time", Serkan muttered as he searched through the cupboard under the counter. 

He finally gave up, scratching his head in confusion as he looked around the kitchen. 

"It's in the counter to your left. Above the sink."

Serkan nearly jumped a foot into the air when he heard Eda's voice suddenly behind him. He huffed out a laugh as he leaned against counter with one hand on his heart trying to calm down the rapid beating. 

Eda stood on the other side of the kitchen with her arms crossed against her chest. And while a small amused smile did grace her lips, her eyes were wary and slightly concerned. 

"You scared me. I thought you were asleep", he said while taking out the bottle and along with it two glasses. 

Eda sat down on one of the bar stools and pulled a glass towards her, "I was but then I uhh woke up and you weren't there and I just -" 

Her voice broke at the end and she looked down at her hands that were twisting and turning to curb her anxiety. 

Serkan sighed as another pang of pain and regret hit him full force. Abandoning the bottle, he rounded the counter and sat opposite to her, pulling her hands in his and pressing kisses to them repeatedly. 

"I'm sorry. I didn't realise that you'd wake up. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He said while looking at their intertwined hands. 

Eda exhaled loudly through her nose, shutting her eyes briefly and then untangled their hands, standing up. Serkan's heart dropped to his feet, expecting the worst. 

However, Eda nudged his legs apart and walked into his space pressing every inch of her body against his. 

"Serkan?" She asked and when he still didn't look up, she held his face firmly in her hands forcing him to look at her. It was then that she saw his puffy eyes and the pained look on his face.

"Oh serkan" she said her eyes filling with tears as she pressed her forehead against his. "This has to stop. This- this guilt you are feeling it has to stop. No one blames you. No one. And I love you so much. Do you know that you are my life?"

Serkan's hand came up to grip her waist as if his life depended on it but yet he shook his head as tears came pouring out.

"Doesn't change anything. Doesn't change what I did and what I said. Doesn't erase that I hurt you and that I broke every promise I ever made. How can you ever forgive me or even look me in the eye? And Selin-" 

"Selin manipulated you Serkan." Eda's hold on his face just became tighter and her own tears spilled over mixing with his. "You- you were hurt and scared and lost and vulnerable. You were so vulnerable Serkan and she took advantage of that. And yes, you hurt me. Destroyed me even. But that wasn't you. That wasn't the Serkan I knew and loved." 

She paused for a moment to take in his face and then took him in her arms, lips pressed against his ears. Serkan's breath came out in shuddering gasps as he rested his head on her shoulder. 

"But now you're back. You are here. With me. Safe. How can I not forgive you? I love you Serkan and you are deserving of that forgiveness. And I'll remind you of that every minute of every day. I can never know what you went through and you'll never know what I went through. And that's okay. I want to put it behind us. I need to put it behind us. And for that you have to forgive yourself please. Please."

She withdrew from his arms, wiping her cheeks and nose with the sleeves of her shirt. Eda waited patiently as Serkan lifted his head from her shoulder and took deep breaths to get some semblance of calm. 

Without opening his eyes he said, "I'm trying Eda. I promise I'm trying. It's just not easy and so exhausting. I can't easily forgive myself for what I put you through. I told you that I would do anything for you and this- this is me trying Eda. Just don't leave me please." 

Eda huffed out a breath as tears of relief came pouring and she took his face in her hands yet again scattering kisses all over his face before claiming his lips with her. She kissed him deeply, whimpering as his hands travelled up and down her body coming to rest with one at the nape of her neck and the other around her back. 

He tilted his head to deepen the kiss, tongue peeking out to run across her lips; silently asking permission. 

They parted taking deep breaths and resting their foreheads together. Serkan kissed her cheeks murmuring, "Anything for you. Everything for you."

Eda smiled slightly and felt her heart grow lighter when she saw the soft smile on Serkan's face. Taking her seat again, she pulled the bottle of scotch and the two glasses towards them. 

She had just finished pouring the two of them a drink when Serkan tugged on her hand and whispered softly, "Let's run away."

She raised an eyebrow at his words and pushed his drink towards him.

"Run away?"

"Hmmm. Just you and me."

"And Sirius."

Serkan nodded seriously, "Yes of course and Sirius."

Eda leaned forward rubbing his nose with her's, "Where are we going?"

"Somewhere far, far away."

"Sounds like a plan."

"I'm thinking Aruba."

Eda giggled a little, stroking his face with her fingers and Serkan smiled at the affectionate gesture. 

"Aruba?"

"Yeah lots of water and sun. We'll buy a house on the beach, away from the world. Away from all things bad. Just you and me."

Eda tilted her head to the side taking in his face and then softly kissed him. He chuckled against her lips, "So does that mean you're in?"

"I told you once before and I'll say it again. I'll go anywhere with you Serkan Bolat. Just ask and I'm yours." 

Serkan grabbed his glass from his side and clinked it with hers, "It's a deal Eda Yildiz."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys thanks for reading my first and last attempt at fanfiction-ing. I hope y'all enjoyed what I wrote because personally, I couldn't wait for another two weeks for a reunion and this is me just playing around a little.
> 
> If you liked it, please do leave a comment I would love to read what you all thought about the story. And yeah do let me know how you think the show is going to progress!
> 
> Ciao babies!


	2. Somebody Else

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know I said that the previous one shot was my last attempt but what can I say? I'm easily convinced. So I read somewhere on twitter how Serkan was definitely not okay and how he is going to end up at the hospital and I couldn't get it out of my head. 
> 
> This is based before he gets his memories back. Enjoy!

"So you are going to the party then."

Eda put down her hairbrush and looked up in the mirror, locking eyes with Deniz who stood leaning against her door frame. 

"Yes", she said simply, offering no further explanation. 

Deniz laughed in disbelief while shaking his head. He entered the room on his own invitation and leaned against her desk, crossing his arms over his chest. 

"Tell me something Eda. Do you like the pain? Do you enjoy having your heartbroken time and again by that man? I mean why would -"

"What do you want me to do Deniz?" The words burst out of her louder than she expected and seeing the startled look on Deniz's face she took a deep breath willing herself to calm down. 

"What do you expect me to do? Hmm? Give up?" She asked, abandoning her makeup and finally turning around to face him. "If the roles were reversed, I know Serkan would move heaven and earth to help me. I can't give up on him because I know he wouldn't give up on me."

"He is giving up on you Eda. For god's sake, the man asked his ex to marry him five seconds after you kissed him", Deniz said, arms shooting out in frustration. 

Eda closed her eyes tightly, willing away the tears and the memories. Her lips trembling, she said, "That's not him. He's confused."

Deniz moved towards her, grasping her arms in his hands and moving them in soothing motions, "Eda please, think logically. He doesn't remember you. He doesn't want to remember you."

She shrugged his hands off of her, shaking her head. She knew he meant well. Eda hadn't told anyone about the incident with the lemon and she wasn't going to start divulging that information now. The memories are there, just beneath the surface. He just needs time and triggers. 

"His heart remembers, his body remembers me. His brain just hasn't caught up yet."

Deniz sighed in resignation. "Eda all I'm saying is that there are people here who want you around and love you. If you just open your eyes, you'll see that we love you just as much as he did."

Eda bit her trembling lower lip. "No one has loved me like he does. No one."

Seeing Deniz's almost pitying look, she spun around facing the mirror once again. "Do you have anything helpful to say?" 

"Nothing you want to hear."

"Fine. Because in that case, I have to get ready." She said, gesturing to the door. 

Deniz paused in the doorway, "Don't leave without me. You should have some support tonight."

Eda nodded. "Suit yourself."

She waited until the door shut behind me before leaning against the dressing table, letting a few stray tears slip past. 

He will remember. He has to. She just had to trigger his memories and Eda had the perfect dress in mind for just that. 

\-----------

Serkan stood in one corner of the office where the party was being held, trying to place these unfamiliar yet such familiar faces. His eyes roved over the crowd trying and failing to spot the one face his heart unconsciously sought out. 

Selin's hand moved up and down his arm in a supposedly soothing motion but it only resulted him in feeling more out of place and uncomfortable. 

Feeling frustrated, he turned to his mother to ask her questions but stopped suddenly when he saw her glaring almost mutinously at Selin's wandering hands. He turned to her almost completely and in the process Selin's hand slipped off of his arm. 

Ayden forced her expression to relax when she noticed Serkan looking at her and her lips morphed into a soft smile. Stroking his face lightly she asked, "What's wrong my love?"

He shrugged, an almost helpless expression taking over his face. "I don't know. This feels weird. Wrong even. All these people- They keep looking at me like they're waiting for something to happen. They don't understand that this is me and Selin told me that -"

Ayden's lips pressed together in a thin line and she took a deep breath through her nose, very well aware that Selin was listening to their conversation. 

"We'll sort everything out, Serkan. Everything. It'll all be okay soon. Remember what the doctor said? It will all come back to you and when it does you can decide for yourself who you are and who you're are not."

The last line was meant for Selin who looked into Aydan's eyes defiantly. 

Aydan's heart broke for her son who looked positively distraught. Shaking his head he said, "Maybe you're right. I don't know I'm getting these flashes..."

Selin's alarmed eyes turned to Serkan while Aydan's heart jumped, silently asking his to expand upon what he just said. 

"Bits and pieces, not much. Sometimes though....sometimes I see Eda? She's standing next to the lake at our house in this dress....this- this yellow-"

His voice breaks off suddenly as his eyes are drawn to the entrance, where the object of his confusion is entering in the same dress that he was just talking about. 

His head suddenly pounds as another fragment of his memory rises without any warning. 

He is standing in front of Eda, she's wearing that yellow dress and an anxious expression paints her face. 

_"You know I can't touch you until you allow me to right?"_

_She turns drawing her hair over her shoulder, silently giving him permission to zip up her dress. He moves towards her, standing closer than necessary and gathers a few stray strands in his hands sweeping them over her shoulder._

_Their eyes meet in the mirror as he draws the zipper upwards and -_

Serkan's rudely brought back to his surroundings when he feels Selin's hand tugging at his', asking him what's wrong. 

"Nothing, nothing." He said breathing in shakily and subtly withdrew his hand from her's to pat at his heart. 

The headache has become a constant fixture in his life ever since his return to Art Life, a dull constant throbbing that he had long learnt to live with. However, the heartache is something only Eda brings with her. 

Even after announcing his engagement to Selin she's still here. Despite his reservations, he can't help but admit that she's an admirable woman. Incredibly beautiful and strong, his mind supplies almost fondly. 

He shakes his head in confusion, unable to draw his eyes away from hers. In that exact second she looked up, their eyes meeting from all the way across the room. 

_"Do you regret it? Getting engaged to me?"_

_"Yes. You?"_

_"No, I could never regret anything about you."_

Serkan shut his eyes tightly, hands coming up to rest against his temples as he desperately tried to make sense of what he was seeing and what he was being told. 

\-----------

Eda shrugged off her coat hanging it loosely over her arm as she walked into the room with Deniz behind her. Her eyes were immediately drawn to Serkan's, who was also looking at her. 

She frowned in concern as his face turned frazzled and he suddenly closed his eyes, fingers pressing against his temples. 

Eda was just about to move to him when she was interrupted by Ceren, Ferit, and Piril. Ceren disentangled herself from Ferit's arm coming to her with a sad smile. 

"Eda, I didn't expect to see you here." Ceren said looking at the others for affirmation. They all nodded looking at her with imploring eyes. 

"Well, it's not everyday your fiancè gets engaged to his ex who has also brainwashed him", Eda said, huffing out a laugh. "It has to end somewhere and I am so sick of Selin."

Piril took Eda's hand in both of her's. "Eda I'm so sorry. I thought trying to talk with her and tell her that what she is doing is wrong would help but apparently I was wrong. I can't believe her at this point."

Ferit scoffed, "Well this is Selin we are talking about. She needs to be dealt with aggressively. I always knew she was obsessed with Serkan, but to this extent?"

"One thing's for sure though, that woman has a strange obsession with being left at the altar." Ceren whispered while throwing a look at Ferit, who looked down rubbing the back of his neck. 

Eda shook her head, still holding on to Piril. "I'm not letting it get that far. Not now, not ever."

Ceren finally looked at Eda properly, noticing for the first time her attire. 

"Interesting choice of dress Eda."

Eda winked at her conspiratorially and they all excused themselves to attend to a few guests at the party. 

Deniz, who was silently observing till now, stepped in next to her. "You know I didn't say it before but you do look especially beautiful tonight."

Eda smiled softly, albeit slightly uncomfortable. She wasn't a fool. She knew that Deniz looked at her with more affection than that of a friend. She just didn't understand how to let him down gently. 

And with everything that was happening with Serkan, Deniz honestly wasn't on her list of priorities. 

"Thank you Deniz. That's incredibly sweet of you. However, you'll have to excuse me for a minute. There are some important people here that I must meet. You'll be okay by yourself?" She asked, hanging her coat on the back of a chair. 

Grabbing a flute of champagne from a passing tray, he tipped it towards her. "I have alcohol and food. And if I get too bored I can always find Melo."

She made her way across the room greeting a few people but from the corner of her eye, kept a watch on Serkan. He was behaving oddly. His forehead was glistening slightly with sweat and his hand kept going up to tap at his chest. He almost looked like he was in pain. 

Her feet unconsciously took her towards him but she suddenly stopped in her tracks seeing Selin's hand stroke his face and then looking at her as if daring her to make a move. 

She changed course, routinely avoiding Aydan's pleading eyes. Had she looked a little while longer, Eda would have seen Serkan shrugging off Selin's touch. Had she looked at him just then, their eyes would have met once again but now he just watched in confusion her retreating figure.

Soft music filtered through the speakers, bringing a few couples to the dance floor as Eda rejoined Deniz who was now in the company of a forlorn Melo. 

Melo perked up when she saw Eda, eyes filling with glee as she looked at her. "Dada you look so beautiful!"

Eda smiled in response though it didn't quite reach her eyes. She looked around but her eyes were yet again drawn to Serkan. A pang of anger hit her as she realised he was resolutely avoiding her gaze. Looking at the dancers on the floor, an idea sprung in her head. 

"Deniz? What would you say if I asked you to dance with me?" Eda smiled disarmingly at him. 

She felt horrible for using Deniz's attraction towards her like this, but she had the whole day tomorrow and the rest of her life to feel that way. Tonight, she is going to make Serkan remember something. 

\------------

Serkan was determined to not look at Eda but try as he might his eyes always wandered back to her. She looked stunning and everytime he looked at her, his mind would supply him with images of her next to the lake. 

Too much. Everything was too much. Selin's constant hovering, his mother's sad eyes and the pounding in his head. He wanted to go home and hopefully alone. 

He was just about to excuse himself from the party, when he saw Deniz lead Eda to the dancer floor and wrap his arm around her waist.

Unbridled rage suddenly rose up inside him, taking Serkan by such surprise that he staggered a few steps back. That should be me. Serkan's brain spun in dizzying circles. Where did that come from?

In that moment, Eda looked up over Deniz's shoulder locking eyes with him and memories of her in that yellow dress came rushing to his mind.

_Her cheek against his._

_Her hand in his hand._

_Them swaying softly to the music._

_His hands around her waist._

_Their family heirloom glittering on her chest._

_People applauding as he slipped the ring on to her finger._

_"I'll have to kiss you."_

_"Kiss me on my forehead."_

_The softest lips touching his. Their first kiss? No, not their first._

Serkan gasped in a shuddering breath as memories assaulted his head. He saw Eda's head cocked to the side as she watched him silently, eyes slightly hopeful?

Standing to the side, Selin noticed this silent interaction and the poorly concealed fury on Serkan's face. 

"Serkan, sweetie, why don't we join the others on the dance floor?" Her hands came up to rest on his shoulder blades and Serkan visibly flinched away from the touch. 

_Memories of a softer touch, on his bare skin._

_"No one can touch you except me."_

His heart pounded painfully in his chest as his hands came up to wipe at his clammy forehead. Beads of sweat settled at the nape of his neck. 

Selin looked at him imploringly, tugging at his hand. "Serkan come on. Don't just stand there like a statue."

Another flash. 

_"Can you please just get her gift? I really want to see what it is!"_

_"It's a statue! Of your face!"_

_Eda's delighted giggles. He's sitting at the counter in....in his apartment?_

_"If you don't come back in ten minutes, I'm coming to get you."_

Serkan stumbled back into the table, breathing loudly through his gasping lips. His head was throbbing and his heart felt like it would break out of his chest at any moment. 

Panicking, he looked up to see Eda pulling away from Deniz, worry painting every bit of her face. He needed to be alone. Too much. It was all too much. 

Swatting away his mother and Selin's concern he said, "I- I need to go to the washroom. I'll be right back."

With the last bit of energy he could harness, he walked towards the washrooms, head spinning dangerously. He leaned against the counter, resisting the urge to puke. Serkan's hands shook as he looked up in the mirror with bloodshot eyes and a face too pale. 

_"She got what she wanted. You forgot me."_

_Eda's tear filled gaze._

Another memory from another time. 

_"Don't leave me here okay?"_

_"Where will I go without you?"_

White spots filled Serkan's vision. His heart ached painfully and his mind blacked out as if urging him to close his eyes. Serkan finally surrendered to the pain, eyes falling shut as he fell to the ground. 

(to be continued...)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys. I hope you enjoyed it! It was sad but I needed to write about it. Hopefully you all enjoyed my imagination running wild and let me know in the comments what you think! 
> 
> Also the flashbacks are just loose translations so I know that they are not verbatim but I hope you understand the basic essence of it. 
> 
> I think this will have a part 2 so keep your eyes peeled for that! And to everyone who urged me to write more, you have my heart!
> 
> Buh-bye babies!
> 
> ❤️


	3. Somebody Else (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys what's popping? Well, I am definitely popping some pills cause I have been stupidly sick for the past few days and also I did forget about updating. Honestly time is warped in my brain right now. 
> 
> Howsoever, I hope you enjoy the second part and let me know what you think about it!

_They were all gathered in Eda's sitting room. She looked ethereal in that beautiful blue dress, fidgeting in her seat with excitement. Serkan couldn't keep his eyes off of her. Their family sat around them and the buzz of excitement in the air was undeniable._

_He could feel her impatience and seeing her small impatient smile, he couldn't wait to take her in his arms. At long last, they stood facing each other, hands never straying far. Melo appeared then carrying the rings._

_Serkan took her ring in his hand, a beautiful purple flower, made just for her. Before slipping it on her finger he looked up to take in her face, and seeing Eda's bright smile and glistening eyes he swore he could live on that sight forever._

_She giggled slightly seeing the awed look on his face and silently urged him to put on the ring. Serkan, now unable to control his smile, shook his head lightly and returned his focus to the task at hand._

_But when he looked down, he wasn't holding her ring in his hand. The beautiful, delicate purple flower ring was replaced by a much simpler, bland diamond ring. Confused, he looked up but Eda was no longer standing in front of him. Selin stood there instead with a (smug?) smile on her face._

_No. No no no no no._

_Serkan looked around in bewilderment trying to make sense of what was happening. Gone was Eda's living room and the happiness. Gone were all their friends and family._

_Selin looked at him with joyous eyes, "Won't you put it on aşkım?"_

\---------------

Serkan lurched up in his bed, drawing in gasping breaths. Sweat glistened on his bare skin as the sheets slipped down, pooling around his waist. Moonlight filtered in through the windows and he placed his elbows on his knees with his face in his hands, trying to calm his galloping heart. 

A soft hand touched his heated back, trailing upwards as it stroked his spine. Serkan immediately felt his breath even out. 

"Serkan?" Eda's sleepy voice called out. 

"Everything's okay Eda, it was just a nightmare. Go back to sleep baby."

He heard the sheets rustled with movement as she sat up behind him, her hand sneaking around his waist to settle against his chest. Eda kissed his shoulder before settling her cheek against it, "What was it about?"

Serkan closed his eyes and grabbed the hand on his chest. "It was the night of our engagement. Our real engagement. We...we were all in your living room and I was just about to put the ring on your finger. But then everything suddenly disappeared, you were gone and Selin was there and I just... I panicked."

Eda tensed against his back, her hand on his back coming to a standstill. She untangled her arms from his body, shifting as she slid her legs around his waist and settled in his lap. Serkan's head was still tilted downwards but his hands slipped to her thighs, stroking them. 

Her hands framed his face as she forced him to look up at her. Eda smiled softly at him and he weakly returned it. 

"It was just a nightmare Serkan. It's over now and I'm here. You are where you belong." She stroked his face with her left hand and Serkan sighed in relief feeling the cool metal of her ring against his cheek. 

Serkan leaned his head on Eda's chest briefly before peppering kisses on her neck. "It felt so real though..."

Eda looped her arms around his neck, rubbing a thumb on his cheek. "But it wasn't real. It's just a figment of your imagination Serkan. This is real. You and me."

She slowly drew his hand to her belly. "And our baby."

Serkan felt as if his heart doubled in size with the happiness he felt. His thumb gently drew circles on her stomach through her shirt and nodded, "This is real. I can't wait to meet her."

"Mhmm. Me too."

Serkan huffed out a laugh, "God my heart is still beating so fast."

Eda smirked at him. "I can think of a few ways to calm you down," she said, settling deeper in his lap and teasingly rotating her hips. 

Serkan groaned, throwing his head back. "That's not going to help calm my heart at all," he said as his hand slid up her back to grip her neck and pull Eda down for a hard kiss.

"God I love you," He said between kisses.

"Me too" she replied and kissed down his neck. Serkan held her close to his body and slid his hands under her t-shirt, needing to feel her warm skin under his fingertips.

She pulled away momentarily to take off her shirt, then kissed him again leaning forward to push him back so he was laying down. 

With Eda's hair cascading over his face and her body a welcoming weight on him, his head hit the pillows.

\---------------

Serkan's eyes snapped open to the beeping of monitors. He frantically looked around the room trying to make sense of what was happening. The dim light of the lamps lit up the hospital room and from the gaps in the curtains he could see that it was still dark out. 

_What was that dream?_ Was it a dream? Why did it leave a void so boundless? A sense of desolation settled in his chest as he realized that it was indeed a dream and how badly he wanted that to be his reality. 

But wait. There was something before that too. Another engagement? Eda in a blue dress. His breathing stuttered as he tried to make sense of events in his scrambled head.

Was Selin lying to him? Nothing she said was adding up. The flashbacks he was having kept contradicting everything she said. He needed to know more and as selfish as it might be, Serkan knew just whom to ask.

Just as he was about to call for his mother or Seyfi, the door opened letting aggravated whispers from the hallway filter into the room. Selin stood there, her eyes just slightly alarmed. 

She quickly composed her expression to one of relief and shut the door behind her, marching towards the bed. 

"Serkan! I am so glad you are awake. You had us all so worried. How are you feeling aşkım?"

_"Aşkım?"_

_"Say it again."_

_A soft giggle and then, "aşkım."_

Serkan screwed his eyes shut as another memory forced its way to the surface of his mind. He completely ignored Selin's concerns, unable to trust her at the time being. 

"Is my mother here? Or Seyfi?" He asked without opening his eyes. 

"Yes they are here. Well Seyfi is outside right now. Your mother is handling a small problem. _Eda_ is here."

Serkan's eyes opened at that piece of information. Eda is here? 

Selin scoffed condescendingly as she continued speaking, "Honestly I don't know what her agenda is. Faking all this concern and the audacity of this woman to try an manipulate you while you are in such a state."

Serkan silently listened to her but now he knew for sure that someone was lying to him. And he had a feeling he knew who it was. 

"Can you call Seyfi in here please?"

If Selin was taken aback by Serkan's lack of response, she didn't show it on her face. She simply nodded and left the room to call for Seyfi. Within seconds the two of them were in the room. Seyfi cautiously walked towards Serkan's bed, his eyes conveying the immense relief and happiness at seeing him awake again. 

"Serkan? Are you alright? You asked for me?"

Serkan nodded slowly and just as he was about to make his request he noticed Selin's looming figure by his feet at the end of the bed.

Swallowing his unease he said, "Selin! I am still feeling a little drowsy. Can you get me something to eat or drink? You do know my state the best."

_It was so easy to please her_ , he thought as Selin's face lit up at the show of trust he put in her. She nodded happily and left the room. 

Serkan urgently turned towards Seyfi. "Eda is here?"

Seyfi was confused for a second but then his eyes lit up. "Serkan do you remember?"

"No." Serkan's heart constricted slightly seeing the disappointment on Seyfi's face. "Not entirely but I'm getting flashes and I need to speak to Eda. Is she here?"

Seyfi tried to reel in his happiness as he nodded but his face betrayed his excitement. He stood up and rushed towards the door. 

"Seyfi, wait. That's not all."

Seyfi waited expectantly by the door and Serkan spoke slowly making sure that he understood exactly what was being said. "I need you to keep Selin away as long as you can. Can you do that?"

Seyfi smirked, "You've come to the right person Serkan bey. I'll ask for Eda now."

\---------------

Eda swore her heart stopped working when she saw Engin rushing out the washroom in panic, asking someone to call for an ambulance because Serkan had collapsed. 

She saw Aydan and Selin rush towards that direction but everything was so slowed down. Her brain felt numb and she urged her feet to move but they were frozen where she stood. 

Within seconds, the company's private ambulance was there and tears spilled from Eda's eyes as she saw them moving Serkan's unconscious body being escorted out. 

_Did she do this? Did she push him too far?_

Eda didn't notice when Deniz had put her in his car and she didn't notice when she was back in her room. She came back to her senses when Melo held her arms and gently shook her. 

"Dada? He'll be fine. I spoke to Engin and they took him to the hospital. He'll be fine Eda."

Eda stared blankly down at the clothes Melo had pushed in her hands and looked up as Melo's words finally registered. 

"Which hospital?" Eda asked as she hurriedly changed into the sweater legging combo. 

Melo hesitated slightly, "Eda you should rest. You look like death. Ceren and Ferit are there. They'll tell us if something happens..."

Her voice faltered towards the end when Eda sent her a sharp look. "I need to see him for myself Melo. So please tell me. _Which hospital?_ "

Melo reluctantly told her the name of the hospital and Eda brushed past her to grab her car keys, refusing when Melo offered to come with. 

She drove in a daze to the hospital and then strode up to the VIP floor where Serkan was. When she reached, all eyes turned towards her. She walked towards the group and was about to ask Aydan how she was when Selin's hand suddenly grabbed her arm, her nails digging into her skin. 

"What are you doing here? Don't you know you're not welcome?" She hissed. 

Eda calmly regarded the hand on her arm before looking at her with a raised eyebrow, "And who are you to deny me from being here?"

Selin's fingers dug deeper. "I am his fiancè."

"Yes exactly. His _fiancè_. Not his wife, not his family. So from where I stand, you are nobody to tell me what I can do or cannot do. I'm here for his mother and if she wants me to leave, I will."

Eda looked at Aydan who shook her head with teary eyes and whispered for Eda to stay. 

"There, it's sorted now." Eda jerked her arm to rid it from Selin's grip. "Also, don't _ever_ touch me again."

Eda walked towards Aydan, taking her shaking figure into her arms and watched from the corner of her eyes as Selin entered Serkan's room. 

She watched in confusion as Selin exited the room moments later, announcing that Serkan was awake and then asked for Seyfi. Seyfi threw a puzzled look at Eda and Aydan before silently following Selin into the room. 

Eda leaned against the hospital wall and thanked God for once again keeping him safe. With her eyes shut she didn't notice Selin leaving the room and she didn't realize that Seyfi had come to a stop before her. 

"Eda?"

Her eyes snapped open at the soft voice and she looked up at Seyfi smiling softly at her. 

"Eda, he is asking for you."

Eda's heart dropped to her feet and she tried not to be too hopeful. She couldn't survive being crushed again. 

"Me?" She asked pointing to herself. 

Seyfi nodded, "You should hurry. I have a task to carry out." He then winked at her, leaving her side. 

She looked at Ceren for support and she nodded encouragingly towards the door. "I'm here Eda. I'm not leaving without you. No one is."

She walked towards the door, steps picking up pace as she neared it. Knocking softly before entering, she took in the spacious room dimly lit up by the bedside table. She was immediately drawn towards Serkan, his face illuminated by the lights. 

Eda's eyes locked with his and her heart broke at seeing him so weak, pale and lost. She made her way deeper into the room without looking away and came to a stop at the chair by his hand. 

"Will you sit please?" Serkan asked her softly and had to stifle his disappointment when she sat in the chair rather than on the bed. 

"Serkan are you okay? Why...why did you ask for me?" She asked once she realized that his memories were not back. 

"I need to know from you. I am not understanding anything. Everything is so muddled up in my head and I...I can't make sense of anything." His voice shook slightly as he ran his hand through his head. 

Eda teared up yet again sensing his struggle, she watched in silence as his hand ran through his hair and became extremely concerned when she saw it shake almost violently. Serkan closed his hand in a fist to control the tremors but to no avail. 

Without giving it much thought Eda grabbed his hand in both of hers, running a thumb over his knuckles. Serkan stared at their intertwined fingers in wonder, tightening his grip when he felt Eda trying to pull away. 

Eda urged her heart to calm down. "Serkan?"

"I am getting these flashes," he said, turning his eyes to the ceiling. Eda's eyes snapped up to his face, hope surging through every inch of her body.

"It doesn't make any sense Eda. And I'm trying to match what I'm remembering with what Selin has told me. Nothing's matching Eda. And I'm not- I think Selin is lying to me. But I don't understand why she would do something like that." His voice choked up at the end and he tried to swallow past the lump in his throat but a tear still slipped by. 

Eda suddenly shot up out of her chair and sat on the bed, hesitant hands running over his face as she looked at him with wet eyes. 

Serkan leaned against the hand on his cheek, and for a moment, he felt at home. Like he wanted to stay here forever. 

"What do you need, Serkan. Just tell me. I'm here, I'm here." Her voice broke as she spoke.

He looked into her teary eyes and made a decision. He will trust her. He will trust her in telling him what was real and what was not. 

"You...you wore a yellow dress to our engagement party? The same one that you wore today?"

Eda nodded in confusion, one hand coming up to wipe at her face. "Uhm yes. Yes I did wear that dress to our engagement. The first one at least."

Serkan let out a sigh of relief when he realized that his dream wasn't entirely a dream but a memory which had been twisted. 

"And our second engagement, that was the real one?"

Eda nodded in affirmation, ready to spend the rest of the night by his side if it meant bringing him peace and clarity. 

"You wore a blue dress." This time he didn't ask. He just knew. 

Eda cocked her head to the side, leaning away from him slightly. "How much do you exactly remember Serkan? And when did this begin?"

Serkan held her hand against his face refusing to let go. "It started a few days ago. Once we came back. Just flashes here and there but then at the party tonight I got a lot of them together."

Eda scooted closer to him and was just about to ask him another question when a horrified shriek from the outside made both of them jump in their place. The sound was followed by a series of apologetic voices from... _Seyfi?_

"Ignore them please. I asked Seyfi to make sure we had some space." Serkan said, locking eyes with Eda, who was suddenly very close to him. 

Eda felt as if her heart would burst from the love that she had for him. Even when he couldn't remember her entirely, he was still trying. 

Seeing the beads of sweat settle on Serkan's forehead, Eda grabbed a towel from the bedside table gently drawing it across his face. 

"This has happened before right? We've been like this before?" He asked, hoping and praying that his mind wasn't fooling him. 

"Yes. It has. I was leaving for Italy and you had fallen sick the day before so I came by to take care of you." Her hand faltered slightly as she wondered if she should tell him more. 

"And then?"

"And then I read you some poems and we fell asleep together on the sofa." She sniffed slightly remembering another very painful time. "Of course, this was before you told you loved me and stopped me from leaving."

Serkan closed his eyes trying to desperately remember that scene but no vision came through, only an instinct that she was telling the truth. 

"What else do you remember Serkan? Let me help you." Eda asked returning the towel to the table. 

"On our first engagement, you wore our family heirloom?"

"Evet. I was really upset because of all those high society guests and you...you did this magic trick with the necklace to cheer me up." Eda laughed lightly, her heart swelling as she saw a soft smile on Serkan's face. 

"We danced?"

"Mhmm."

"You asked me to kiss you on the forehead?"

Eda nodded slowly, "When everyone asked you to kiss me."

"You didn't get engaged to me for my company?"

Eda looked at him in disbelief, softly smacking his chest and then leaving her hand there. " _No_. The circumstances were different. You and I were faking it together to get Ferit out of the company. We even signed a contract."

" _Ferit?_ "

"Uff Serkan it's a long and complicated story. I will tell you all of it once you get better and are out of the hospital. I promise." She said and he nodded accepting her terms. 

Serkan's eyebrows furrowed trying to remember more when a recent flashback surfaced in his mind. 

"There's a bust of my face in our apartment?" 

Eda burst out laughing, her head buried in his chest as she shook from her giggles. "Of all the things to remember Serkan."

Serkan laughed along with her. His mind and heart felt at peace after a long, long time. He stroked her hair as she continued giggling and then looked up at him. 

"Let's just say that the PR head for our firm was _slightly_ obsessed with you."

"You didn't like her?" He asked. Eda nodded unconsciously, gripping the front of his shirt. "Where is she now?"

Eda sighed. "You fired her because some things happened and she lied. Basically she wasn't a good person."

Serkan scoffed in disbelief. "Another PR head who lied to me." 

Eda looked at him and asked in a small voice, "So you believe me? You believe me and not Selin?"

Serkan stroked Eda's face with the back of his knuckles, "I somewhere knew these memories were real. I just needed confirmation."

He hesitated slightly before continuing, "Eda I still don't remember everything. I- I _barely_ remember anything but it's like my soul remembers you and I'm-"

The door burst open suddenly, startling both of them and Eda jerked away from Serkan. Seyfi stood in the doorway panting as if he'd just run a marathon. 

"I locked Selin hanim in the washroom." He said as he leaned against the door trying to regain his breath. 

Eda turned her shocked eyes to Seyfi. "Why would you do that?"

Seyfi huffed in indignation, "Well Serkan bey asked me to distract her and she wasn't being distracted so I spilled the coffee that she was bringing for you on her and obviously it was hot and wet so it spoiled her dress and then she went to the washroom to wash it off and then I didn't know what else to do so I just locked the door from the outside and now-"

Serkan chuckled in disbelief, "Seyfi, Seyfi, Seyfi." He said, effectively bringing his speech to an end. "Thank you."

Eda was still shaking her head in shock when Seyfi drew in a deep breath. "All I am saying is, that I don't know how long she'll be locked up."

"Got it Seyfi. Thank you so much." Eda said, her eyes shining with gratitude. 

Seyfi nodded and then exited the room shutting the door behind him. 

Eda turned to Serkan and looked at him with soft eyes before shifting closer to him and leaning her forehead against his. Serkan gulped at the proximity and his hands on their own came up to grip her waist. 

"I know Serkan. I know you don't remember it all. But now you are starting to and you have to know I'll be by your side, at every step telling you what's real and what's not."

Serkan nodded, "Okay. Okay. But what do I do about Selin? She has been deceiving me all this time." 

Anger bubbled up inside him and another memory flashed to the front of his mind.

_Selin's shocked face. She held some papers._

_"I don't want you to do anything for me. I don't love you, I love Eda. You and I are only partners in the company. We are not even friends anymore."_

Eda's hand shot up to his face in concern as the monitors started beeping faster and Serkan's eyes screwed shut in concentration. 

"Serkan? Serkan are you okay? Aşkım everything's okay. What happened? Did you remember something?" Her anxious eyes flitted over his face to take in any sign of discomfort or pain. 

At the term of endearment, he slowly opened his eyes. "Uhm yes. It was with Selin and I was telling her that I don't love her? And that I love you?" 

Eda looked at him in confusion. When did that happen?

He suddenly thumped his head against the pillows. "Ugh I can't _believe_ I asked her to marry me."

Eda withdrew slightly looking at him with narrowed eyes. "Yes about that. Why did you do that Serkan?"

Seeing the hurt on her face, he stumbled over his words trying to reassure her in some way. "I just- you took me by surprise when you kissed me. Selin had told me all these stories about how you manipulated me and the feelings I felt for you were so strong Eda. I felt like I would be consumed by them. I didn't know what else to do. Everything around me was - is - different. She was the only thing stable that I knew."

His thumb rubbed at the corner of eye, wiping away a tear. "I'm sorry for everything Eda. I'm sorry for forgetting you. I still can't understand why a person like you loves me."

Eda leaned up, planting a soft kiss on the corner of his mouth. "You'll remember soon enough Serkan and then you'll know why I fell in love with you. Why I still love you."

"Don't you worry about Selin though. I have a lot of plans for her."

He brushed a lock of hair away from her face, heart still reeling from the small kiss she gave him. "I'm sure you'll find a punishment to fit the crime."

They smiled at each other and for the first time in over two months their hearts felt content.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyy so hope you liked the chapter and I already have something in my head for the next one-shot so let's see when that comes through. 
> 
> Also I'm low-key disappointed with the last episode and I hope that writers understand that mental illness is not equal to bad person. 
> 
> Also Deniz you hoe. 
> 
> Anyways looking forward to better more EdSer episodes. 
> 
> Ta-ta babies!
> 
> 💖


	4. Coming Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody! So I'm really sorry but try as I might I couldn't write a third part for the previous chapters. My brain was hell bent upon writing this so if I find inspiration I will get back to that. 
> 
> Also, I kept seeing so many people drawing an episode 11 parallel to a chase. So I present to you ✨reverse chase✨
> 
> I swear it'll make more sense when you read it. Also I'm slightly drunk as I upload this so if this disappears in a few hours don't be worried, I probably hated it and would be editing it! Cheers 🥂

At seven in the morning, Art Life was almost always empty. But today a lone figure was seated in the conference room. It wasn't an odd sight to see Serkan Bolat in office before anyone else, but today he had been there was quite some time. The entire night to be exact. 

Serkan sat in his chair flipping a pen in his hand, head lost in thoughts. Soon employees would come rushing in disrupting his quiet. 

Well, his external silence would definitely be disrupted. Internally, it was anything but quiet. 

From the corner of his eye, he saw a figure enter the office, eyes raking the space as if looking for someone. The person's footsteps echoed through the empty office and grew louder as they approached his office. 

"Serkan! There you are. You didn't come back yesterday and I was worried..."

Selin's voice pierced through Serkan's head, words trailing off when she noticed his tense stance and that he was still in the suit he wore last night. She silently took the seat next to him, reaching out to touch his hand and flinched when he sharply pulled away. 

"Selin Atakan. My _oldest friend_ and previously my partner in the holding. I always wondered how much you had to despise me to sell your shares to Efe, an outsider, than to me." Serkan said, his eyes glued to a document in front of him. 

Selin's breathing stuttered to a stop when she realized what was happening. She had sold her shares to Efe only a few months back and if Serkan remembered that, there was no telling what else he remembered. 

Her hands trembled as she took a shaky sip of her coffee, mind already working on damage control. 

But before she could utter a word, Serkan had already begun speaking. "You know when I woke up in that hospital, dazed and confused, I couldn't make sense of many things. The doctors kept telling me that I was in a plane crash and that I had to call someone whom I knew."

"Serkan I already know all of this. I was there, you...you called me." Selin said, lips darting out to wet her dry lips. 

Serkan stood up to face the windows and continued on as if he hadn't heard a word. "I felt this void in my chest and in my head, as if something was missing. Something very, very essential. _Who do I call?_ According to me, my mother can't leave the house and my father, unfaithful as he might be, wouldn't leave my mother. So who do I call? Selin Atakan, my childhood friend."

Selin swallowed past the lump in her throat, eyes immediate wetting when Serkan turned around, face twisted in barely concealed rage. 

"You...you came there and when you realised that I didn't remember much you decided to twist what I did remember. You twisted my brain inside out and _for what_?" Serkan's eyes glittered with anger as his eyes finally met hers. 

"Serkan I-" Selin whispered. 

Serkan's hand slammed down on the table and she jumped at the sound. " _Don't._ " He hissed, with narrowed eyes. "Not a word. Not a goddamned word. I don't want to hear anything that comes from you.

"How dare you use me like that. You isolated me, filled my head with lies and manipulated me against the one person who has ever loved me unconditionally."

Selin's head finally snapped up to meet his gaze, "I love you Serkan. I have always loved you and I did what I did because _fate_ gave us another chance. The universe sent you to me -"

Serkan laughed in disbelief but there was no mirth in his eyes. "The universe _fucked_ me over Selin."

He took a pause, taking in a deep breath. "I never loved you. How many times do I have to say it for it go through your fucking head. How many times?

"And Eda, _God Eda_ , she believed that I was dead and you made me hate her. You made me distrust her to the extent that she's given up now. I loved her - love her - and you made me push her away."

"That is all on you Serkan." Selin said quietly, eyes flashing with disdain. 

Serkan shook his head, fingers coming up to massage his temples. "You are right. It is my fault. I should have know better. I should have asked Engin. I should have listened to my fucking heart.

"But I didn't because I trusted you so much. I trusted my friend to tell me what is right and what is wrong. That was my biggest mistake and now I have lost her. Again."

Serkan watched in disgust as tears spilled over Selin's face, "I have always loved you. Since the beginning. She came out of _nowhere_ and you fell for her? Why couldn't you love me? _Why doesn't anyone love me?_ " She wailed. 

"Ferit loved you. He was willing to overlook everything and you rejected his love. So don't come asking why no one loves you because he did."

He sighed in resignation and then looked at her. "Get up and get out. I don't want to see your face or hear your voice ever again. When I come home I don't want to see anything there that belongs to you."

Selin shot up from her chair, coming around the table to stand in front of him, "Where will I go Serkan? I have nowhere to go."

Serkan looked at her in irritation. "Is there a problem with hotels around the town? You know what Selin, sleep on the streets for all I care just get out of my sight. I am so sick of you."

She suddenly straightened up, her eyes hardening. "You don't want to do this Serkan. You'll regret it."

Serkan's eyes turned steely and his jaw locked at her statement. "I'll regret _what_ Selin? The last time I told you I loved Eda, you signed over your shares to Efe and left. _What_ do you have now that can ruin me? Hmm? How exactly are you planning to make me 'regret it'. 

"Eda is happy and marrying someone else. You aren't a part of this company anymore. So what _exactly_ do I have left for you to ruin?"

Serkan towered over Selin as he spoke, his voice soft but menacing. "I don't like threats Selin, even when they are as empty as yours. But know this, I will tear you down to nothing. Remember that my threats aren't empty.

"Now leave. I am sure you know where the door is."

For the first time since Serkan confronted her, Selin's heart jumped to her throat and fear settled in her body as she wondered if Serkan was actually capable of carrying through with his threat. 

"I will not let you be happy Serkan." She said her voice shaking with unshed tears. 

"You haven't succeeded at anything else Selin but you have definitely made sure that I wouldn't be happy again. Do you want me to congratulate you?" He asked sarcastically. 

"Serkan -"

"Leave now Selin. Don't make me call security."

She nodded quietly, walking out on shaking legs and heavy breaths. 

\---------------

Ceren was sitting in her office when her phone rang. Serkan's name flashed on the screen. She stared at it in confusion for a brief second before answering. 

"Serkan bey?"

"Ceren, please come down to my office as soon as possible."

"I...me?"

"Yes Ceren. You are still my lawyer aren't you?" Serkan's exasperated voice filtered through the speakers of her phone. 

"Yes. Of course, yes I'll be there in a minute!" She scrambled to collect her thoughts and answered as hastily as possible. 

"Great." Serkan ended the call abruptly leaving Ceren staring at her phone in bewilderment. 

She quickly collected her notepad and pen and hurried down the stairs towards Serkan's office. He sounded...odd on call and she walked in the office expecting the worst. 

"Serkan bey?" She asked, knocking on the door. 

He snorted without any humor, " _Serkan bey_. Just Serkan is fine Ceren. Please sit."

Ceren nodded in confusion, drawing herself a chair. "Okay Serkan. What's going on?"

She looked at him carefully and saw just how tired he seemed. His fingers were pinching the bridge of his nose and he hadn't yet looked up at her. 

Serkan took a deep breath before finally turning to her and he said, "I want to file a criminal complaint against Selin. I want to sue her."

Ceren blinked in shock, not expecting the conversation to take this turn. However, she silently nodded, "Criminal complaint regarding what?" 

"Abuse and cruelty. She has manipulated my condition for the past few months and I want her to pay for it." 

Ceren gasped, her hand flying up to clutch at her chest. "Serkan do you remember?"

He nodded slowly.

She felt herself tear up slightly and words tumbled out of her mouth. "Oh my god Serkan! When...when did you remember? Do you remember everything? How do you feel? And oh god does Eda know yet?"

Serkan hesitantly answered a few of her questions, "I...umm remembered yesterday and yes I'm assuming I remember everything. But Ceren I need you to do this properly. Can I trust you with this?"

She nodded, "Look Serkan, I am a corporate lawyer but I will call up my firm and request the best defense lawyer there is. I promise this will be handled carefully. But how are you planning to prove this in court?"

He smirked lightly pulling out his phone from his coat pocket and played for Ceren a part of his conversation with Selin that he had recorded secretly.

"Wow." Ceren breathed out. "Well, that certainly makes things earlier easier. But Serkan you didn't say, have you told Eda yet?"

She frowned when she saw Serkan's face suddenly drop and the expression he bore was so defeated. He shook his lightly, "No and I don't plan on telling her either."

Seeing Ceren's outraged expression he hastily put up his hands asking her to calm down. "Please let me explain. You have to know that I love her still and I love her enough to let her go. I have been terrible to Eda in these past few months and she...she deserves better than this, better than me.

"Ceren I know she's like your sister, but please don't tell her. She's finally happy and that's all I have ever wanted for her. She has moved on and she's getting married and that is something I'll just have to accept." Serkan said looking away when his voice broke at the last word, lips trembling. 

Ceren blinked in disbelief, "Serkan she's going to get to know sooner or later. A case of this scale...it will be public and then what?"

Serkan smiled sadly at her. "I'll be long gone by then and it'll give Eda another reason to forget about me entirely."

He took a shuddering breath as he stood up, "Make sure that the case is filed today itself and keep it a secret for a while. I'm trusting you with this." 

With that sentence, Serkan walked out of the office leaving Ceren behind who was frozen in her seat, trying to make sense of what just happened. 

\---------------

Ceren rushed to the law firm and filled out all the formalities required to file a complaint. She consulted with the other defense lawyers before submitting a solid petition on behalf of Serkan and then rushed out in a hurry to catch Eda as soon as possible. 

_'You are right Serkan Bolat, Eda is like my sister. And that is why she has to know. I'm not going to let you break her again.'_

She sat in her car and quickly dialled Eda's number. She tapped her fingers impatiently on the wheel as the line beeped before, _"the number you have dialed is currently switched off. Please try again lat -"_

Ceren slammed her head against the headrest, "Ufff Eda ya whenever I need you..."

She then hurriedly called up Melo who let her know that Eda was at Deniz's restaurant. Ceren quickly backed out of the parking lot, speeding towards her destination. 

\---------------

Eda paced the floor at the restaurant in worry while Deniz calmly regarded her from the sofa, sipping his coffee. 

"This is a mess. It needs to end now Deniz. I really can't do this any longer. This is getting too out of hand." She said, running her hands through her hair. 

"Calm down Eda. We'll stop when Serkan remembers and he will soon. Nothing is out of hand yet," he drawled, smirking on the inside when she nodded in acceptance. 

"Tamam, tamam." She sighed, reaching for her phone to call her Hala and then groaned when she realized that it was dead. 

Deniz had just stood up to use the washroom, when she asked him if she could use his phone to call home. 

He smiled at her, "Of course you can Eda. What's mine is yours." He finished his sentence with a wink and Eda felt discomfort spread through her whole being. 

Deniz disappeared through the door in the back and she had just finished typing in the number when his screen flashed with an incoming call from 'Selim'

_'Selim?'_ Eda thought in confusion but let the phone ring until the caller decided to disconnect. 

A few seconds later, the call was cut and just as she was about to press call, the screen lit up yet again with another call from Selim. 

Eda frowned in concern wondering if she should just pick up the call and let them know that Deniz will call them back. It must be urgent if the person called twice in just two minutes. 

She answered the call and just as she was about to greet the caller, Eda jerked back in surprise when Selin's voice reached her ears. 

"Deniz look, I have no time for greetings. Serkan found me out. I don't know when but he got his memories back and now he has ousted me from his life entirely. The only good thing is that he thinks Eda is in love with you and wants to marry you. Don't tell her Deniz. Our plan might not have worked entirely but you get to be with Eda. I am leaving tonight but I had to tell you this. Deniz why aren't you saying anything? Deniz? Deniz can you hear me -"

Eda suddenly cut the call staring at the phone in disbelief. She drew in gasping breaths and the world around her spun sharply. Everything seemed out of focus and she couldn't understand what to concentrate on. 

The phone rang again and Selin's contact glared up at her. At the same moment, Deniz appeared in front of her, the smile sliding off of his face when he saw Eda's shell shocked expression and the name on his phone. 

"Eda I can explain-"

The door to the restaurant suddenly burst open as Ceren came striding in halting whatever Deniz had to say. She grabbed Eda's arm and turned her towards her. 

"Eda! Serkan remembers. You- you have to go to him. He was saying some weird..."

Ceren trailed off when she noticed Eda's pale complexion and the panic on Deniz's face. She shook her arm slightly, "Eda did you hear what I just said? Serkan got his memories back. He remembers you!"

"You played me," Eda whispered, turning towards Deniz. "All this time and you were just playing me."

Ceren watched in confusion as hot tears spilled down Eda's cheeks. Realization set in when she looked at Deniz who was looking down at the floor. 

" _How could you?_ " Eda shrieked, her hands coming up to push at his chest. "All this time I thought that you were my friend and now...now I have to find out that you were actually working with _Selin_ to keep me away from Serkan?" 

Eda gasped out her words, leaning on a chair for support as the ground beneath her feet again spun uncontrollably. Ceren took two long steps towards her, gathering Eda in her arms while she turned to glare at Deniz. 

"Do you have _nothing_ to say?" Eda cried out.

"I'm sorry Eda. I am really sorry." Deniz whispered quietly.

Eda shook her head in disbelief before grabbing Ceren's hand and storming out of the place. 

She turned her teary eyes towards Ceren and the questions came tumbling out of her mouth. "Serkan remembers? Did you speak to him? What did he say? Where is he? Did he ask about me? Why didn't he tell me?"

Ceren placed her hands on Eda's shoulders to calm her down before recounting the incident at the office. However, she did leave out the fact that Serkan was planning to sue Selin on his request to keep it a secret. 

Tears streamed down Eda's face as she heard everything. "He's planning to leave? Did he tell you when? Please tell me you know where he is right now."

Ceren shook her head in resignation as told her that she had no idea where he was at the moment. Eda exhaled sharply in frustration and took a step to rush towards her car when a hand suddenly stopped her. 

She looked back at Ceren who was dangling her keys from her fingers, eyes glittering with tears, "Take my car Eda. It's faster."

Eda briefly hugged her friend, glad to have her back once again, before rushing towards the vehicle. 

\---------------

Eda had been driving around for over an hour now but had not yet found Serkan. She had checked every place that was significant. His parents' home, the apartment, Art Life, the music room and now she was parked in front of the coffee shop with her head resting against the wheel, trying to force herself to think of where else he could be. 

Her phone, now on charge, had already been used to call him a million times but every time the same message came through. His phone was switched off. 

_'Think, Eda. Think.'_

Her head suddenly snapped up and she smacked herself on the forehead. _The mountain house._ How could she forget about that. She quickly pulled out of the parking space before heading towards the cabin. 

Her heart was beating loudly in her ears as she hoped and prayed that he would be there. Anger, sadness and happiness bubbled up inside her, making an odd concoction of emotions but at the moment that was what kept her moving. 

At long last, her car came to a stop at the house and she let out a cry of relief when she saw his car parked there as well. Eda ran out and entered through the door, thanking her lucky stars that it was unlocked. 

Her eyes were immediately drawn to the packed suitcase next to the couch, an open laptop and a couple of documents scattered on the table. 

Her heart lurched to her throat when she saw that the laptop was open to a page displaying flights to London. Tears now slipped down rapidly as she took the papers in her hand and read through them. 

He was signing off all his shares to her. He was planning to _disappear_ from her life entirely. 

Unbridled rage rose up in Eda, blurring her surroundings slightly as she moved towards the main bedroom knowing that he would be there. She silently walked through the room and came to a stop at the bathroom door. 

Relief flooded through her when she finally laid her eyes on him. He had his back to her, hunched over the sink and after all these months of imagining what she would say when he came, she couldn't even manage to utter a word. 

\---------------

Serkan stood leaning against the bathroom sink, head down and eyes closed. Every inch of his body wanted to run back to Eda and beg on his knees until she took him back. Only Deniz and Eda's words held him in place. 

_"I'm glad you forgot, thanks to that I'm with a man like Deniz."_

_"Eda and I are very happy together. That's of course thanks to you."_

Those words echoed in his head like a broken tape recorder. _'Don't do it. Leave her alone. She's happy. Don't ruin this for her like you've done everything else.'_

He took a deep breath and finally straightened up. Serkan froze in his place when his eyes met Eda's in the mirror. 

"Great. Now I'm hallucinating." He muttered, screwing his eyes shut. He hesitantly opened them, once again seeing her behind him. 

He slowly turned around after convincing himself that she was indeed really there and it wasn't his overactive imagination at play. 

Serkan's eyes raked over Eda's still form, taking in her disheveled appearance and her swollen, red eyes. He watched her warily as she took a few steps closer to him, willing his mouth to produce some words. 

"Eda. I um -"

His cheek stung from the force of her slap. Serkan closed his eyes and nodded, "I probably deserve that."

Another slap. 

"And that one too."

He opened his eyes and the hurt and anger swirling in Eda's eyes took his breath away. 

He cleared his throat, "Ceren told you -"

His sentence was interrupted by another slap courtesy of Eda. 

Eda drew in a shaky breath, trying to find her voice despite the lump in her throat. 

"You were going to leave me. You were going to leave me again without saying anything." She whispered.

Serkan closed his eyes at the anguish in her voice, cursing himself again for causing her so much pain. 

"Eda, you deserve -"

"Don't tell me what I deserve Serkan," she shrieked. "I know what I deserve and I know what I want. And you keep taking that decision away from me."

Tears streamed down her face as she waited for him to say something. 

"I just want you to be happy Eda. That's the one thing that I want the most for you. Everything that I do is for you -"

Eda resisted the urge to slap him once again as anger swirled inside. She held up the papers she had clutched in her hand, storming towards Serkan and shoving them in his chest.

" _This will make me happy?_ You signing your shares over to me will make me happy? You _disappearing_ from my life will make me happy?" Her voice rose an octave with every sentence she spoke, until she was practically screaming. He flinched at her anger and looked down at his feet, and clenched his fists to keep out from reaching her. 

" _I don't want your stupid shares._ " She said, ripping the paper apart at every word. 

"I just want you Serkan," she sobbed, unable to keep her tears at bay any more. Eda let the papers flutter down to the floor by their feet as she buried her face in her hands.

Hearing her words, relief hit him like a punch in the gut but at the same time his heart hurt at seeing her so broken. He strode forward, prying her fingers from her face and gently pulled her in his embrace. Eda's fingers clutched at his sweater pulling him in even closer.

Even though his heart felt full, he was still slightly confused. Not wanting to hurt Eda anymore, he carefully asked, "Eda...I thought you were with Deniz. You said that you were happy to be with him and -"

She shook her head against his chest, silently cursing herself for playing this stupid game in the first place. She rested her forehead against his chin, "It was just a game. I was desperate to make you remember and I don't know....I thought seeing me with someone else would trigger something. Anyways it was a stupid plan."

Serkan's lips pressed against Eda's forehead and she closed her eyes at finally feeling his lips on her skin. He smiled slightly, his heart swelling with happiness. 

"Well it worked. Even with my memories gone I couldn't bear to see another man touch you and I, despite telling myself not to, fell for you again." Serkan pressed a kiss to Eda's temple. "As much as I hate his guts, I think I should send Deniz a _Thank You_ note for everything -"

Eda suddenly stiffened in his arms as she interrupted his words with a sharp word, "Don't bother."

Serkan leaned back at her tone, to look at her face and she sighed as her eyes unexpectedly grew wet. "I thought he was my friend too and that he was helping me but turns out he was just working with Selin all this time."

Eda felt Serkan's arms tighten around her and she peered through her lashes at his face. His suddenly hardened expression and the anger in his eyes made her mind race with many answered questions. 

"Serkan... what happened with Selin?" 

He shook his head, feeling too much like a coward for running away from what he was feeling but he couldn't bring himself to talk about it. He just wanted to stay with Eda, handcuff her to him so that fate could never separate them again. 

In that moment he felt shame rise up inside him for treating Eda the way he had in the past few months, as instigated by Selin.

In that moment, he didn't know who he felt should suffer more, Selin or him?

He whispered a weak apology to Eda saying, "I'm sorry Eda but I can't talk about that right now...I need to come to terms with what she did." _With what I did._

She framed his face in her hands, nodding in acceptance. "Okay then, that will be a conversation for another day. But Serkan, you said you fell in love with me before you got your memories back and now you have them back. So why were you running away from me?"

Serkan stroked her hair tenderly, pushing a few strands that had escaped behind her ears, his eyes grew wet with tears.

"I could be born a hundred times and always fall in love with you but I could live a hundred lives and never be able to make up for the hell I put you through." He didn't make any effort to stop or hide the tears that ran down his face and Eda's heart broke at the sight.

She wrapped her arms around his neck , pressing her wet cheek against his. "Serkan no baby -"

"Listen Eda, please. I was going away because you deserve sunshine and rainbows and I'm so, so far away from that," he whispered against her ear while stroking her hair. 

"I love the rain Serkan," she whimpered. "I love the rain so much."

Eda's hand settled at the nape of his neck as she pulled his lips down to her. Five seconds into the kiss, Serkan regained use of his faculties and realized what was actually happening. He opened his mouth and welcomed Eda's tongue. She moaned and threaded her fingers in his hair. 

Serkan's hands ran down her body and settled at the back of her thighs. With a swift motion, he picked her up and Eda's legs tightened around his waist at the sudden change.

He kept kissing her and pushed his tongue into her mouth. She grinded down on him the best she could and was delighted to hear his breathy sighs. She felt him harden against her. His hands were everywhere. One was in her hair, the other was currently making its way up underneath the back of her t-shirt. He was placing kisses along her neck, her jawline and shoulders.

Serkan moved towards the bed and gently lay her down on it, bracing his arms on either sides of her head. He leaned back in and softly nipped at Eda's mouth. He ran his tongue over her bottom lip, nipped again and soothed it. Serkan placed little kisses on the left corner of his mouth only withdrawing when he felt her sniff under him.

"Eda, look at me. What happened?"

She sobbed a little harder, pulling him so close that there wasn't an inch of space between them. "I just missed you so much and...and now you're here and I just missed you."

"I'm sorry Eda. I'm so sorry that I ever forgot you. I swear I'll make it up to you. Everything. I'll make it up to you." He pressed kisses on her cheeks, her eyes, her forehead and her nose. 

She giggled through her tears, "I know you will. I know. But for now can you just hold me please. I just want to sleep in your arms. It's been so long and today has been exhausting."

Serkan kissed her lips slowly, hand moving up to her face to wipe her tears. He dragged her up the bed and sat up to remove her shoes and then his. 

He pulled the covers over and Eda snuggled up to him, laying her hand on his heart. As exhausted as he was, Serkan forced himself to keep his eyes open, drinking in the sight before him. He thanked his lucky stars that she chose to love him, despite everything. 

_'I promise Eda Yildiz. You'll never shed another tear in your life because of me.'_ He thought to himself as her hand drew little circles on his chest. 

"Serkan?"

"Hmm?"

"I won't be able to sleep until you tell me," she said leaning up slightly to look at his face. "What are you planning to do with Selin?"

He ran a teasing finger down her nose, smiling. "Trust me baby, I'm not going to let her breathe in peace. You'll find out tomorrow and it'll be worth the wait."

Eda pouted at him. "Fine, keep your secrets. But can I run her over with my car please?"

Serkan laughed out loud and hugged her to his chest. "Yes, we'll make it look like an accident. You can use my car and I'll be in the passenger seat."

She rubbed her nose into his chest, "Deal."

"Iyi geceler, Serkan Bolat."

"Iyi geceler, Eda Yildiz."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyyy I hope you liked it and like I said I'm slightly drunk right now so I'll probably be reading all of this again tomorrow. 
> 
> But as you can see from my stories I am desperate to see them together again and what I have also realized is that I make my babies cry a lot. Like a lot. So I'll make sure that the next one shot is happy. 
> 
> I love happy. 
> 
> You know the drill. Votes and comments because external validation from strangers who happen to like my work make me ridiculously happy. 
> 
> Also everytime I upload a new chapter I feel like that "Dangerous Girl" tik tok trend. Lol idk why I told yall that. Anyways. 
> 
> Bye bye babies!  
> 💖


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